Help others to help yourself

dear reader, i want you to accept two things i believe to be true, before continuing: you do not know everything and you are sometimes wrong.

if you do know everything, and you are always right, please, get in touch, i could use a life-coach.

how do you share your worldview with your friends and people you care about? do you tell them they are wrong, and why they are wrong? do you ask them questions about something you don’t agree with? when you don’t completely understand what they are getting at, do you bother asking them what they mean? do you close them off, because they seem rude or arrogant or belligerent?

i was thinking about this, myself, while talking with a friend, and i tried to explain what i was getting at. i shared the idea i have of the choice of being a burden or a help. and i started to think about what that meant.

i attempt to be aware of the stories i tell myself about the limited information i have coming in to me. i’m not always successful, but sometimes i am lucky, and i catch myself making a categorization or judgement based on something i do not understand.

i’m not saying it is easy, it is why personal relationships require effort. tools like facebook take the difficulty out of maintaining connections with people. the value of those connections is debatable, i feel it is causing more harm than good in the manner it is currently used. i also feel it can be fixed, but people need an example to see the benefit.

personal relationships require you to keep an open mind. personal relationships require you to realize that everything you have read or know about a particular situation or a person is limited to what that person has shared with you, or what you have bothered to digest.

if you perceive a personal relationship to be worth the effort of maintaining, it is your duty to keep an open mind and ask questions to shed light and clarity.

you can be a help. you can listen to their side of the story with an open mind and locked away preconception. you can be a help. you can ask questions, and make sure you understand what a person is saying. you can be a help. you can share your point of view, once you understand theirs, and compare and contrast, and encourage them to ask questions about your point of view.

or you can be a burden, and ignore everyone but yourself.

i need you to be a help. i need to not be a burden. if you help those around you or can at least help yourself, then i can help you with my support.

this is what those quaint cliches mean. help those who help themselves, teach a man to fish, an eye for an eye leaves us all blind.

you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t force them to drink.

if they do not have the strength to drink, lend them yours. if they are unwilling, and you care about their survival, keep trying.

be mindful that some people don’t want to be ‘saved’ in some situations, but they can be of assistance in others.

be mindful of those you write off and why. be careful who you punish.

they may just need some time to come around, but in the meantime can help in other ways.

if you yourself have lost hope or strength or just need a break; stay out of my way, until you find the strength again, i don’t want to discount you because of your temporary apathy.