Recruiters

man, this job sounds like a great fit for you...
many of you see me here in silicon valley, the mecca of computer geekdom, and you wonder why i am sitting here, unemployed for almost a year.

part of the reason i have shared before is most of the jobs in this area are for low-level systems administrators who are expected to perform the role of general-problem solver for all technical problems within a company, depending on its stage.

that sort of work is fun from time to time, and i don’t mind it, it’s required for a linux systems admin. however, i have 7 professional years of experience and have been working personally with linux and open source since 1997.

i am interested in diving deep into some specific areas. security, databases, automation, quality assurance, whatever.

in fact, i think a perfect role for me would be QA within the company; not of the product, but of the means to deliver the product.

are those servers being properly utilized? are the VMs accidentally configured to over-subscribe resources? is that transmission of data completely necessary, can we trim it down?

those sorts of problems, which minimizes the open roles available and drives up the standards for employment into those positions.

i’ve actually had people tell me about stories of people PAYING a large company to show that they could do the job. that might work for some people, it is certainly a unique way of approaching employment.

but really, what is my biggest grief?

recruiters.

you talent-less sacks of shit. i hate you, so much.

allow me to demonstrate by sharing a typical email exchange with a recruiter:

Hi Christopher, I tried to connect with you a few weeks ago. I was given your name by a company I’m working with. They has asked me to reach out to you on their behalf and see if you were on the market looking for a new job. Your background is very impressive and exactly what they are looking for. As I mentioned before, they recently closed a large round of funding from a famous investor. Let me know if you are interested and I can send you the details to review. Take care.

… i didn’t actually have to sanitize ANYTHING in that. the recruiter literally provided me with NO useful information in their initial contact. here was my reply:

Hey, thanks for contacting me. What have you heard so far, and what other information would you like from me?

Can you tell me about the company this position is with, how large it is, how long it has been around, and specific day-to-day for this position?

and then their reply:

I can give you more info, is there a good time to connect by phone?

this is not uncommon.

by ANY stretch of the imagination.

this is pretty much every single goddamned interaction with you fucking useless pieces of shit recruiters.

you make me feel like I AM THE ONE failing.

you contact me with nothing, i ask for something, and instead of JUST GIVING ME THE INFORMATION I ASKED FOR… you ask if we can talk.

if you can’t share by email then it can not be that close to what i’m looking for.

look, i may be a little more aggro about this right now because a lot of my energy is being wasted by my landlord. however, the point remains; if i ask you questions, and you instead try to schedule a phone call, you are wasting both of our time.