Free spirit

Vanishing Point (1971) has me thinking, a lot, and it is quickly becoming my favorite movie, for a ton of reasons, this one being one of them. i am tired of ‘free spirit’ being a pejorative, as if there is something wrong with hoping for the best. because, really, that’s what having a free spirit means. you look for the good in others and yourself, and you hope for the best.

care, care comes into the second part of the motto i live by. prepare for the worst. that’s gravity, and it is a cunt. it brings you right back down like a plutonium ball and chain. my spirit may be free, and i love that about myself. but i still have to care, because so few freed spirits are out there. too many of them are shackled by their fear of the worst case scenarios.

because of them, because of people who refuse to believe in good, i have to worry, and be concerned about people’s motives. and i just want my spirit to be free. yes i am sad, yes i am sobbing. no, i am not going to kill myself, i have too much hope, there can be a better tomorrow, you just have to believe it. if we all believed we could be good, and not take advantage of one another or harm one another, we could all be free.

i’m so tired of preparing for the worst. i want to know that i don’t have to. help me be free.

believe in me. believe in my ability to be good. believe in my ability to be honest. practice makes perfect. i’ve been practicing for a long fucking time, i think i’m pretty goddamn good at being who i am.

this actually ties back into my thinking on religion. i’m an atheist, i do not believe there is a god, therefore god does not matter to me. it doesn’t mean i don’t matter to god, should he actually exist, but that is between god and me. i assign him the gender male, because it makes my “feedback” a little more fluid, linguistically, not because i think god has a gender.

oh, and i do give him feedback, good and bad. i thank him and i curse him. if he has an issue with my discussion and conversations with him, i expect he’ll bring it up with me, sometime. you don’t need to say anything to me about it.

i will, likewise, not tell you i think your belief in god is silly. i will comment about the things that you do in his name, specifically the things that affect me. even more, the things i feel your prophets advised against. like jesus telling you not to be dicks. i still can’t figure out what your issue is with that simple fucking message. i welcome your feedback, of course.

oh, and no, i am not comparing myself to god. i am comparing god to any other person one might believe in.

if you see me lose hope, and you cannot help restore my faith, please know it is not my hope in this world. it is my hope for humanity. if i lose that hope, i plan to get far away from the people who steal that hope from me.

if you see me lose hope, and you cannot help me see the bright side, instead of fighting me on it and being someone i need to get away from, give me your support to get away. i’m too stubborn to kill myself, but i could use any support to get somewhere where i can be at peace, and maybe come back to society at some point.

we are all on this rock, together, can we stop being dicks already? if we don’t realize this is a team sport, we’re all cooked.

i personally am about to set off on a sojourn to find peace, i’m taking what i saved from my last job and spending the next few months planning and preparing for it, to make the most of the resources i have on hand. if you can lend me a hand, i could use help planning the route, i could use help finding cool places to eat, ways to save money and maximize fuel, tricks to make camping amazing, anything.

i can use your help, if you extend your hand, i am not afraid to take what i need.

if noone is evil, and we are ALL good, then there will be no good or evil, there will just be. why do people do evil? it’s really that easy; don’t be evil. google’s whimsy with that motto concerns me.