Reading directions

the hot water heater
right up front, i’m a stoner. let’s just get that out of the way, i smoke pot, daily and i enjoy it. it doesn’t affect my performance, and doesn’t keep me from doing anything i want to do.

it is not going to affect me while i am being paid for my time.

hell, it might save both of us some time when applying for work if they know that about me, up front.

that’s not the point. the point is, the other day i realized i needed to take a shower. well, ok, that’s not really the point, either. gotcha. i like the feel of hot water running down my skin when i am very high, so it’s a bit of a personal relaxation treat to get really nice and high, and then go shower.

so i did. when i let the shower run for a while, i noticed it wasn’t getting warm, and i remembered the landlord had said something about the hot water heater, so i went and checked my email. sure enough, the house was out of hot water, the heater wasn’t working.

i live with six other guys who don’t have the luxury of being unemployed and surviving just fine. they all have work that they need to get showered and clean for and so on, on a daily basis. so i figured since i also wanted to take a shower, i could go look at the water heater and see if there was anything i could do.

however, i am high as a kite, because that was part of the previous plan, so being aware of this little detail, i made sure i read everything before playing around with things; well, i turned the master gas valve off, first, then read the directions.

this is natural gas we’re talking about here, so i was trying to be respectful of the fact that i could fuck up and blow the house into the bay. i tried six different times to get the thing to stay lit, over a period of two hours or so. i could get the pilot lit, but once i let go of the button, it would go out.

so i wrote that, and shared that with my housemates the next day. another housemate took it to the next level, and looked for reasons the pilot wouldn’t stay lit. the majority of the time, it seems that the thermocouple malfunctions.

the thermocouple is a probe that sits near the flame, and closes the circuit when it is warm enough (meaning the pilot hasn’t blown out). they’re fairly cheap to replace, and more than that, meant to be replaced by home-owners, and not technicians.

so, since it’s not my water heater, and i don’t want to take tools to things that aren’t mine, i told the landlords the situation, and then handed it off to them, telling them they needed to find a repairman who could replace the thermocouple of our water heater.

they called two repairmen who apparently couldn’t figure out what to do. and i need to say something about THIS before i move on. if you are a repairman, and you charge people money to show up at their house, and you can’t figure out how to replace a thermocouple; suck a tailpipe.

after the repairmen couldn’t handle it, the landlords took it upon themselves, apparently, to fix it.

i just went out in the garage to grab a burrito (oh hey, i bet it’s done cooking!) and noticed that someone had let a kid with tools at the damned thing, or so it seems.

i would like to first point out a warning label that says, and i quote: 5. REMOVE THE OUTER DOOR FROM THE WATER HEATER. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REMOVE INNER DOOR

and another label that warns: Sealed burner access door - Removal by a qualified service person only.

and another: Water heater is equipped with a single-use gas shut-off device. If service is required, the complete control valve must be replaced. Contact your local service technician.

so of course, when i look at the water heater and see the inner door ajar and all the connections disconnected, i’m left thinking a local service technician was here.

so what is the over-all point i am hoping to make, by sharing this?

if you are out of your depth, read the fucking directions, and KNOW when you are out of your depth.

i was high as a kite, and i didn’t do what presumably sober home-owners and repair-people did.

i realized i could have killed us all with some natural gas explosion; even if the reality is so fucking slim it’s insane, at least i acknowledged that could happen, and i should tread carefully.